19: Times They Are a Changin’

Quick Note:  I will be writing on Monday’s from now on.  So you can now expect to start off your week with a bit of douche-baggery via my posts.

So, my girlfriend and I are in the middle of some changes in our life; recently, I sold my house and we are now in the process of moving to a house in a different area of Albuquerque.  I am not at home now, and so I have only been helping to direct this circus from afar, while my girlfriend has been handling the lion’s share of the moving-related bullshit.

The main reason for our move is because Albuquerque has morphed in a way over the last five years; it’s a very ghetto city with a bit of a gang problem.  But, for as long as I have lived there, the gang problem has been localized to certain areas of town – most people know which sections to avoid, thus it has never really been that big of a problem.  Recently, however, the problem has expanded and caused the face of Albuquerque to change.  My house used to be outside of the trouble spots and in a “decent” section of town, but lately, the crime/murder rates in my area have gone up steadily, and I have felt less and less comfortable living in that neighborhood.  So, I sold my house and my girlfriend and I are renting out a house owned by a friend of ours until we close on our new place in Rio Rancho, NM.

To add to the changes in my life… there’s a new “love sheriff” in town:  my five-year-old daughter!

Sammy and I having a hot chocolate/staring contest.

My daughter lives with my ex-wife, but they only live a short drive to our north in Colorado, so I get to see them often (except when I’m away from home).  Just the other day, I get an e-mail from my ex-wife that read like this…

So here is something to make you smile. Samantha asked me if Pam was her second Mommy.  I explained to her sort-of, and said that when you and Pam get married, Pam will be her “step-mommy”.  And out of your daughter’s mouth was: “Well I want Daddy to marry her now, because I like Pam!”

So, apparently I have just been ordered by my daughter to stop fuckin’ around and get married!  To which I will sheepishly reply “yes ma’am”… you see even though it’s been a while since my divorce, the thought of marriage still gives me the creeps!  But, now that my daughter is getting to that age where she is wondering exactly how Pam fits into her life (and, then asking questions about it), Pam and I need to stop being so selfish and start aiming to keep Samantha’s view of the family dynamic somewhat in-tact, post-divorce.

Pam, The Kids, and Myself

Still… Pam is a great woman, and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better in my life, but there’s just something about the word “marriage” that sends a chill down my spine!  I don’t know if it’s the finality of it all, or the fact that once I put that ring on, “splitting up” will require lawyers and court dates… whereas now, if we ever get sick of each other, it simply requires a blissful “sayonara” to dissolve our union.  Not that I would ever want to, I’m just saying… what if?

The funny thing is:  Pam SHARES my view on the subject!  Semi-recently divorced herself, the thought of marriage makes her tremble in her Nike’s a bit, as well!  So, what’s a couple to do?

These changes are on their way though, to spite our best attempts to slow them down.  And it seems that the locomotive that is my life keeps rolling down the tracks and shows no signs of slowing down.  AND I’M NOT EVEN 30-YEARS-OLD YET!  Frankly, it all scares me to death!

~Roy “weekendkeyboardwarrior”

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